


two hearts beating

by viscarias



Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, So yeah, Yikes @ me, also theres swearing sorry, but Disclaimer there is the mention of rly lowkey sexy times its just them kissing, but also minhyun cried, hurt/comfort ??? idk, i took a trip down nuest memory lane and wEll, idk if i'll write another chapter let me know if i should, lapslock bc i suck, ok i moved the rating from m to teen and up bc its pretty ?? mild, so badly he couldnt sing his part afterwards, the world cried, this happened, this is when they were in japan and jonghyun read his letter and, uve been disclaimed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 09:06:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11249979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viscarias/pseuds/viscarias
Summary: jonghyun blames himself for everything and minhyun wants him to stop.minhyun has mild insomnia issues because he thinks too much but jonghyun is there for him.minhyun fucks up and kisses him and jonghyun maybe doesn't want him to stop but minhyun gets Freaked Out and runs away because that's how you deal with problems.





	two hearts beating

**Author's Note:**

> my writing in its emotional unbetaed glory oops ,,, i cried when i watched that video again and i've watched it like,,, 10 times someone stop me. anyway ! this is a little sad thing i wrote please leave kudos and comments because i crave that Validation

minhyun feels tears well up in his eyes, listening to jonghyun read his letter to the members, to him, apologising for not being enough and not fulfilling his promise. 

 

he want to jump out of his seat and stop jonghyun from saying all of this- jonghyun was the glue that held the five of them together, he was the best leader they could have asked for, it was minhyun who should apologise. 

 

for not being more active with the fans, for not protesting their extensive overseas promotions more, for not being a better member. minhyun could think of a million reasons for their lack of success and none of them had to do with jonghyun not being enough. 

 

but he can't because right now they are in front of their fans and minhyun is sure that if he were to say anything at all the tears silently streaming down his face would become a torrential downpour. 

 

-

 

minhyun moves through the motions of thanking their fans, stuttering out a sentence in japanese not so much because he can't speak the language but because jonghyun’s letter is still weighing heavily in his mind. 

 

-

 

their trip back to the dorm is teary, each member pouring out apologies and it's a mess of feelings because none of them ever wanted to fail and yet it feels like they did. 

 

jonghyun doesn't say anything at all, tears pooling in the corners of his eyes before he quickly blinks them way. 

 

-

 

when they get back to the hotel, minhyun has never been more thankful for water heaters. he and jonghyun chat lightly as they prepare for bed, but both of them are far too exhausted to make real conversation. 

 

minhyun slips under the sheets, shivering slightly at the cool feeling on his skin. minutes later, jonghyun does the same. 

 

for some reason, minhyun can’t fall asleep. he stares the ceiling, listening to the silence of the room. he can faintly hear dongho and ren talking in the next room, and the sounds of aron’s snores bleed through the wall as well. 

 

slowly, even the sound of jonghyun’s breathing steadies, like a pulse echoing in the quiet of their room. 

 

‘jr-ie, are you still awake?’ minhyun says, not really expecting an answer. 

 

‘huh minhyun, what do you want?’

 

‘i can’t sleep, can i sleep with you?’ minhyun feels a little like a child when he asks, but jonghyun knows minhyun sometimes gets like this at night, too caught up in his own thoughts to fall asleep without someone there to soothe him. 

 

minhyun knows that jonghyun would agree, so without waiting for a response, minhyun makes his way over to jonghyun's bed, lightly bumping into the drawers next to it. 

 

he crawls under the sheets next to jonghyun, feeling grateful that this bed was far larger than the ones in the dorm. 

 

‘do you want to talk about it? or just sleep,’ jonghyun had said this more than a hundred times over the years, in that same low, comforting voice. 

 

and it, for some reason, it unlocks the emotional dams minhyun has spent the journey to the hotel building up. he rolls onto his side to face jonghyun. 

 

‘i don’t know how i could handle being you. it just takes so much.’

 

‘why do you say that?’ jonghyun asks, surprised. 

 

‘i really don't know how you do it, jonghyun-ah. you’re always so brave and so strong, and you take the responsibility of all these years on your shoulders and yet you still blame yourself when it's none of your fault. you’ve done so much and it's still not enough. i don't know how you can be brave like this and not just break down.’ minhyun's voice cracks a little on the last word and he leans close to jonghyun, burying his face into the crook of jonghyun’s neck. 

 

‘i’m not brave, minhyun.’ jonghyun's voice is still quiet, ‘maybe if i was braver,i could have done something to stop this from happening. maybe if i was braver, we could have continued soaring after debut and maybe you wouldn't be so sad all the time. i know you are, even if you try to hide it. i’m so sorry minhyun.’ 

 

minhyun raises his head to shake it, ‘you’ve got nothing to be sorry for- ’

 

‘i’m the leader, minhyun. i should have done something to stop this, i should have talked to the management, i should have brought us higher and higher and yet i couldn’t. i wasn’t enough.’ jonghyun brings up a hand to wipe at his eyes, ‘sometimes i think about what would happen if i wasn’t the leader, if someone better, more capable was here with you all instead. maybe things would be different, maybe- ’

 

‘jonghyun, stop. don’t say things like that.’ minhyun’s face twists into an ugly picture of sadness. 

 

‘look at me jonghyun,’ minhyun’s voice is shaky, ‘don’t blame yourself for this, don’t take responsibility for something that was out of your hands since the beginning.’ 

 

‘the circumstances just weren’t lucky for us. you are the best leader we could have asked for,’ minhyun lifts a hand to wipe the single tear slipping out of jonghyun's eye away, ‘you did everything right.’ 

 

minhyun's hand is shaking like a leaf against jonghyun’s face and his breaths are ragged. 

 

‘don't say things like that anymore.’

 

minhyun’s face close enough to jonghyun's for him to feel minhyun’s breaths, warm against his lips. 

 

‘please.’

 

and then one of minhyun’s hands slides behind his head, weaving into his hair and tugging jonghyun close, minhyun's lips meeting jonghyun's chapped ones harshly. 

 

jonghyun can taste the salt on minhyun's lips, wonders if it's from minhyun's tears or his own. he lifts his eyes for a moment to meet minhyun's, the dark eyes almost swallowing him whole.  he reaches behind minhyun and grabs a fistful of the sweatshirt minhyun is wearing, something to ground himself when he feels like he might just be dreaming. 

 

when minhyun's tongue slides against jonghyun's lips, jonghyun lets his eyes flutter shut, a choked whine leaving his throat. 

 

a million things are flying through jonghyun's head and he can't really focus on any of them when minhyun is kissing him like jonghyun is air and he is drowning. 

 

jonghyun reciprocates, kisses minhyun like he wants to bleed the pain and anguish out of him and hold it inside himself instead. 

 

minhyun's lips on his feel like something that he's been missing from his life but never even thought of and if this is what searching feels like, jonghyun never wants to stop looking. minhyun's hand tighten in jonghyun’s hair and jonghyun uses his hand fisted in minhyun's sweatshirt to tug him closer, grinds against minhyun with a low groan. 

 

in that moment, minhyun feels like his body has been set on fire, his heart pounding loudly in his ears. 

 

he's abruptly aware that his chest is heaving with ragged breaths, the both of them almost reduced to panting when they break apart. minhyun's pants feel like they’ve gotten just a little tighter and it is this reaction, one he never meant to have, that jerks him back to reality. 

 

minhyun summons what little control of his limbs he has to push jonghyun away, a reel of emotions flying across his face. 

 

they both push themselves back a little and even in the darkness of the room, minhyun can see the mess he’s made of jonghyun, hair tousled and pupils blown wide, lips swollen and pink from biting, and the reality of what just happened slams into minhyun like he's been hit by a car. 

 

‘fuck, jonghyun, fuck, i’m so sorry,’ minhyun scrambles out of the bed he had so comfortably lay in just minutes ago, stumbling away through the dark. 

 

there are tears stinging his eyes again as minhyun tries to reconcile all those years he had spent training with jonghyun with the longing he now feels creeping under his skin. 

 

dropping himself onto the floor of the bathroom he locked himself into, minhyun lets the sobs wrack his body, realising too late that all that time he grew up with jonghyun, watching him grow into his limbs and abilities, watching baby fat melt away into a face that only grew sharper and more handsome over the years, was more than he knew how to deal with. those years the two of them lingered on the border of brotherhood and something more, stray looks and touches never amounting to more than skinship. 

 

‘oh god,’ minhyun thinks, ‘i’ve ruined everything.’ 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> also i'm not sure if i should write a continuation?? like make this a multichaptered and/or make it a series of them trying to figure shit out over the years so yeah lmk in the comments if u think i should !
> 
> EDIT 19 july 17: thank you for all the lovely comments (i love causing people pain through my writing) !! i'll quite likely continue this in the future, but it might take a while since i'm currently still in school ;;; 
> 
> anyway, you can talk to me on my twitter @/jonqhyunss


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